B came to my home studio in Efrat, Israel this past February. Her boudoir consultation was just a few weeks beforehand, and I remember thinking, “Wow, this is going to be a really special session.”
She saw her session as having a few different purposes.
Firstly, as a gift to her husband for their upcoming anniversary and his birthday, but also as a gift to herself. I related to her feelings, being an entrepreneur and a mother, and wanting to reclaim and celebrate this sensual side of ourselves.
After doing her boudoir session and gifting a keepsake album and a love letter, designed by Malka Klein, to her husband, B allowed me to share her images. We talked a lot about what that meant for her as a business owner and social media strategist.
As a woman in the online world, where do you draw the line between business and personal?
Was sharing her boudoir session something that would change the way her clients saw her?
Would it have any negative repercussions?
This is something that every business owner can relate to, and we knew we had to talk about this in a live conversation. So we did!
The interview I am sharing with you below is a transcription of our live conversation this past April along with the absolutely stunning results of B’s session…
B: I’ve been following you for a long time, and I love what you do, and I always really wanted to do it. The stars aligned, and I was ready. I am in a new place with my body since having my son. It’s not a place of dislike at all, it’s just a place of change. Which is inevitable for everyone, but I never had to deal with that before.
Until I had my son I hadn’t ever experienced that. I was the “lucky” one, I didn’t have fluctuations in weight. I never had to think about my body. This change has pushed me to pay attention to my body in a good way. I have to pay attention to my body and what it needs. I need to exercise, not just because I “have” to, but because it brings me something positive in my life.
I’ve never felt as sure as myself as I do now, and I think that comes with age. It’s kind of funny that with age we are more aware of who we are and at the same time we associate aging with this degradation of our bodies.
Rebecca: I think it’s because of how society views aging and our bodies. We think we’re supposed to stay within this “young, hot ideal,” and we can’t accept a wrinkle. It really is interesting that you generally end up feeling better about your body as you age, if you are working on yourself.
B: I’ve done shoots in my business over the past year, and they have totally changed the way I see myself as a business owner. I wanted to experience that but on a more personal level. My dating anniversary and my husband’s birthday were coming up, and the timing just aligned and I went for it.
The process of preparing for the session was also therapeutic and forced me to look at where I’m at with all this stuff. I really enjoyed the whole experience. I’m a little bit obsessed with myself. I can’t stop looking at the pictures. It’s been fun.
The gift to my husband was more like, “This is the gift of where I’m at.” I want you to see it, and see that I see it too. It was a bit of a celebration of that, and it was a really powerful gift. I’m really happy that I did it.
Then the conversation of “Can I share?” came up, and now we’re talking about a whole different part of my life…
Rebecca: On one hand it was a private and emotional experience that you wanted, and on the other hand it was exciting to be able to share these images. What was your first reaction when I asked you if I could share the images from your session?
B: My first reaction was, “Yes! I want everyone to see them. I love these pictures!” Not in a way that I want everyone to see me naked kind of way. Trust me, I don’t. But I consciously try to bring my full self to my business. What I do and encourage other people to do is believe that you are the only thing in your business that is unique. I know it’s cliché, but it’s so true. There is no part of me or my life that I should be ashamed of in my business or that doesn’t align in my business or doesn’t help bring my ideal customers to me. I’m thinking, “Ok, a lot of my customers are modest, religious, modern Orthodox.” There could be, and, maybe there is, a lot of judgment for this.
I want to be present here in Israel for the customers I know and understand and relate to. Part of that is knowing that I can only do that if I bring my full self. I can only understand and relate to those people if I actually bring my full self.
Continued…
B: From a business perspective, I do curate. The process of being my authentic self and still presenting myself online is difficult and ever-changing. It’s a question that comes up a lot from my clients. If you’re not sure what to post, you should look at your business goals, and ask yourself if this piece will help you progress towards your goal. “Do these things help me towards my business goals?”
This conversation was difficult for me because part of me was screaming, “This is an important conversation, this needs to be shared. This is an integral part of who you are right now.” Yet, if I really look at it in a rational way, sharing my boudoir pictures doesn’t push me towards my goal. If anything, it could have a negative effect. I sat with that for a moment and thought, “If there’s a part of me that could have a negative effect on my business then my business isn’t a proper representation of who I am.” For me, one of my goals is to be 100% my full self and honest. When someone comes up to me and says, “OMG, Bridie, you’re doing so many things, you’re so successful.” My response is, “I’m really tired, and today is really hard.” I’ve always been that way. People are pretty surprised about how honest I am.
Rebecca: I’ve found that showing up in that way really helps propel our business forward. At the beginning of my business, I was hesitant about sharing my full self online. I would show the parts of me that looked the most successful and like I had my shit together. I wouldn’t want to show other parts of me because I thought people would run away or they wouldn’t want to pay me or they wouldn’t think I was good at my job. I really felt like the more I ended up sharing with people, the more they related to me. We’re all human. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have dark parts. To be able to embrace that messiness and vulnerability is so beautiful, and it’s a part of what I try to offer women through boudoir. I asked myself, “How could I not show up as that authentic person?” Even for myself, it wasn’t always easy to share my own boudoir images, so I really understand what you went through. It’s a different experience when I share pictures of other women versus pictures of myself because my entire personal network is following me. I do sometimes get backlash for sharing pictures of myself. Yet, I have always felt that my purpose is larger than my fear. My purpose is to help women not feel alone in their struggles and have a space where they can be messy, vulnerable, and real. That’s what I want to provide women. So I knew I had to show up in that way myself.
B: I relate to that to some extent. So much of what I do for myself and my brand is not applicable to other businesses. My job is to be a bit of a chameleon, to step into other people’s businesses and see who they are and what their business needs and help them structure a strategy around that. What I do in my personal life or how I feel has nothing to do with anything really.
Rebecca: Right, like you’re not going to step into someone’s business and say “Post your boudoir pictures!”
B: Haha, totally. “We need Rebecca in here, stat!” No, I don’t know if I’ll ever make that recommendation.
B: But the truth is, this question comes up in many other forms.
People ask, “Can you show me an example of other companies like us that you’ve worked with in the past?”
My answer is, that I’ve got loads of examples, but if you want someone who is an expert in your field, that’s not me, and for good reason. The reason that you hire me is because I can come into any type of business, any structure, any stage of the process and help you push that forward. That is my skill set, that I am the chameleon.
I don’t need to live by what I do for other people. I used to think that I did. I used to be worried about how many followers on Instagram. “How can I promise somebody that I’ll help them get to 5k followers when I don’t have 5k followers?”
Rebecca: This is the question of all time for business owners. I’ve asked myself, “How can I help women with self-love if I don’t fully love myself or if they’re parts of me that still need to heal?” But I feel that the space that we have where we still need to grow only helps our clients more.
B: 100%. If there was an expert in any field, who says, “I have everything figured out.” That is BS. Run. Run. Run.
People who are more willing to show their vulnerability and growth helps people understand how they might be able to grow and learn. The truth is we’re all just humans growing and progressing every day. I think it’s about time we stop thinking our businesses are stagnant, stand-alone machines, that have a set thing, and that’s the end of the story. That’s not the end of the story. Every business is learning and growing, just as much as the people inside.
Rebecca: Have you seen a change in your business growth as you’ve become more authentic in yourself?
Br: Yes, 100%! It’s enabled me to feel free enough to go with whatever my gut wants to do. I’m a strategist so I always think about everything as logically as possible, but there’s always a certain amount of intuition and gut feeling and emotion that goes into it.
The truth is that as I was thinking about it more, it’s about owning exactly who we are and all the wonderful things we bring to the table. In motherhood, we’re quite happy to celebrate how moms are the best, and dads just don’t have the instinct. But then in the workplace all of the things that make us amazing mothers are all of a sudden problematic. I don’t know if that’s a society thing, or if that’s constructed by men, or the institution or what. I'm not blaming anyone. I think we need to take responsibility as women, especially in the most recent decades. We need to be thinking about this stuff and aware of who we are as humans and what we bring to the table. I want to own my business exactly as I am. I am a woman. If I attract more women clients, that's fine. I like orange, I like pink, I like warm green. Those are my brand colors. If those vibes or my content is off-putting men, cool. I haven’t found it to be, by the way. I am not trying to neutralize myself to speak to a larger market. Also, I’m not trying to speak to just women. I’m just being as much as myself and bringing all my amazing qualities to the table. As I’ve been more authentic online, I do see my business growing.
Rebecca: Did anyone have a reaction to you posting your boudoir pictures on Instagram?
B: So I asked questions beforehand, and I asked questions like: Would you share pictures like this? How do you feel when you see me sharing these pictures? Tell me honestly what was the first thought that came to your mind when you saw these.
Everyone was really kind. Some people did say I would never do this personally. Most people said I think you’re super brave, and these are gorgeous. I really appreciated people saying that because it was a vulnerable moment for me. But you know what? I actually would have really loved to have a response from someone who felt like they could be honest about the other side of it. Did people see that and go, “She’s a B2B marketing professional. Why is she standing in her underwear?” It doesn’t make sense. But at the same time, if you know me, it makes complete sense. I am genuinely curious to know how it made people feel.
Rebecca: I think it’s important to put things out there that are authentically you, and then be open to having meaningful conversations. We both have online communities. To be able to talk about women empowerment, honor different opinions, and each person’s unique journey while still being respectful is important. At the end of the day, I believe that women empowerment is about whatever empowers you as an individual. To be able to respect someone else's journey is key. For some women covering their hair and dressing modestly is empowering, and that makes me so happy they have the tools to do that for themselves. For other women, undressing and showing their bodies is really empowering. For me, sharing boudoir pictures is really empowering not only because of being more free in my body but also because of the value I hold that I think it’s important that we see many different body types in the media. The problem with the way it is now is that we are seeing such a narrow view of beauty. When my clients allow me to share their pictures, I get excited because it’s one more body that’s not photoshopped, at all different points in life, that women get to see. It’s not just about sexiness, it’s about the whole journey and the deeper meaning behind it.
B: Yes! Me seeing another body type in the way that your pictures portray them is really important. All bodies that we’ve seen that are listed as beautiful are of a certain type. Seeing more of everything in a gorgeous light quiets the judgmental voice we all have inside of us. I think that’s super important and it’s all-important that we see ourselves that way, at least once in their lives. How often does somebody get a picture of you by accident that you love?
This is an opportunity to see yourself through someone else’s eyes.
Hair and makeup by Beauty By Rhonda
Love Letter calligraphy and creation by Malka Klein