"I had never thought that I would ever do a boudoir session. It was only after my husband, who is a photographer, asked me if I wanted a photo shoot with Rebecca as a gift (to be honest I don’t know if it was really a gift for me or a gift for him!) that I started to consider it.
Even though I think of myself as a free spirited person, I never thought I would be completely comfortable sitting half naked in front of a camera. Looking at Rebecca’s pictures I noticed how she had captured really beautiful images of women. As if each photo were a celebration of femininity and strength. I also wanted to have my turn to feel like a woman in-love with my own body.
My issues with my body run far deeper than what is on the surface. My husband and I have been struggling with Unexplained Infertility for more than 5 years now. The journey has been quite a difficult one. As terrible and absolutely devastating as it is at times, it’s not ALL bad.
One of the more difficult issues, however, is a feeling of betrayal by my own body. My body has been incapable of what women are meant to be able to do. I am a creative person but cannot create the one thing that I long for, a life, a baby. These feelings of betrayal have lead to feelings of anger, resentment and even shame. With all of the operations, hormone injections, internal ultra sounds, blood tests and being poked and prodded by strangers, I battle at times to feel beautiful and dare I even say, sexy.
It is time for me to step out of the shadow of shame about my body and about my infertility and share my empowering experience of my boudoir session; an experience that helped me connect more to my body and my femininity.
Rebecca and her lovely hair and make–up artist, Cassy, are a formidable team. They made me feel like a goddess. Rebecca had a way of making me feel safe and secure and so comfortable during the shoot as if my skin was my clothing. Everything became natural, playful and free.
Looking at the pictures, I see that Rebecca has captured me in all my complexity, each photo reflecting a different part of me and brings my story to the fore.
I am so glad that I took this opportunity to embrace my body and myself. During this journey of infertility I think its important to do what one can, to get through rough times and especially to develop a deep caring for oneself.
My husband and I have been focusing our attention on enjoying the small things life has to offer. (Like having a boudoir session!) We do enjoy our lives. We have amazing family and friends. I have an incredible therapist. We both love what we do, and if our journey does not work out the way we want, I am sure we will find the strength to make meaning with what we have.
The struggle of infertility can be quite isolating and lonely at times. Many people mean well with advice and stories but nothing feels better then when someone just allows you to express what it is you are feeling without having to ‘fix’ things.
This journey has also led me to meeting interesting people, gurus, healers and experts in their fields. It has connected me with strangers in a very deep way. I have tried a range of alternative and western treatment and have learnt about new and exciting technology. I have learnt about myself and about my strengths and in some ways, it has humbled me. Infertility raises all kinds of really difficult issues within even the healthiest of relationships, but through it all I have fallen more in-love with my husband.
Talking about my struggles is helpful at times and I have joined various online support groups. I have felt, however, that a support group was lacking in my area, and so in the next few weeks I will be starting an Art Therapy Infertility Support Group at my studio, Tel Aviv Art Studio.
Thank you, Rebecca. I love these photographs..."
Hair and Makeup by Cassy Avraham
