For many years I struggled with my weight, but I still always loved my body. About 10 years ago, I had weight loss surgery, and I realized that while I didn't hate my old body, I loved my new one. Then, 5 months before my wedding in August of 2018, my weight loss surgery began to fail me, and I needed an immediate revision. Very quickly I saw my body returning to the way it once was, months before needing to fit into a wedding dress.
I was devastated.
With help and support of those around me I was able to have it fixed, and my weight went back down, but my body was still different. That was the moment that I realized I wanted to capture how I felt.
Through doing a boudoir session, I also wanted to give my biggest supporter, my husband, a token, a gift- beautiful pictures of the body he loves and the person he loves most. He loves every flaw and every part of me and has helped me love and embrace those parts of me too. What makes him happy makes me happy. We love my little tummy pouch that I will never loose, my stretch marks on my wide hips and thighs, my multiple laparoscopic scars on my tummy and my mushy arms.
As my session approached I hoped for a wonderful space where I could learn about myself and my confidence, and a take away of a really beautiful time in my life, both physically and spiritually…
My experience was beyond any expectation. As much as I told myself and others I wasn't nervous, I think I was on the inside. But at the same time I was so ready for this experience. I got to know Rebecca Sigala through a wonderful and close friend of mine whose endorsement of the experience and, moreover of Rebecca, put me at ease and even made me eager to have this experience.
I loved chatting with Rebecca and Marcus Santiago, the makeup artist and hair stylist, leading up to the shoot. It broke the ice and made us all feel like friends. By the end of that one hour we were all following each other on social media and looking forward to the boudoir session.
I felt confident and vulnerable at the same time. My confidence came out of knowing my body and not being ashamed to share my flaws with the camera and the woman behind it. My vulnerability came from not knowing how to act in front of the camera. Rebecca helped me overcome that vulnerability and guided me through the process to help create with her the best looking pictures of me.
Overall, I couldn't stop speaking about the experience with my close friends and family. Even telling people I did this no longer made me feel bashful. I was so excited waiting for my photos!
When Rebecca sent me the final gallery of images, I viewed them together with my husband, and he was blown away. I knew he would be. He loved the intimacy of the shots, the style of the photography, the color and the black and white, and he loved the little personal touches I added by making sure we featured parts of my body that I know he loves, and I love too. I was also happy to have been able to have the creative freedom to wear special items I knew he would love and would make this session really special.
I ended sharing a bunch of pictures with my closest friends. They loved them too! I was also super proud and honored each time Rebecca shared a picture from my session on social media!
I took from this experience a greater sense of confidence. I not only accept having to be in a vulnerable state, but I embrace it. It no longer makes me feel vulnerable. I guess my husband has also helped me with this. With him I have always felt like my best self; free, open, and confident. I never felt like I ever had to be ashamed or hide any part of me. Until my session with Rebecca, I didn’t feel that same way around others.
This session made me realize that it isn't about the others, it’s about me. I now have that confidence and comfort-ability to be really open and free.
