I grew up in New York in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, when women's weight and bodies were constantly demonized. From gossip tabloids to the news to overhearing other girls and women speaking about their bodies, no one seemed pleased with their appearance.
The idea that my body should be something different than what it was became so internalized and was a part of what led to a painful eating disorder in my adolescence. I “recovered.” I regained weight, my period returned, and my skin brightened, but the true suffering continued in my own mind for years.
Through being in therapy and fully exploring myself through meditation, I am now able to observe my thoughts and feel compassion for myself, something I so desperately needed when I was younger.
When I moved to Israel and found Rebecca’s Instagram, I was blown away by the photos she was posting. There were different types of women with all different types of bodies, all being celebrated as they were. It was revolutionary!
Every single human she photographed looked so beautiful and so perfect. Each body looked exactly how it should…
When I first came across Rebecca’s work, I was in a long-term relationship and wanted to gift my boyfriend photos. However, my fear of not being sexy, fit, or tan enough kept me from following through.
Since then, that relationship ended, I completed a bachelor’s degree, became a registered nurse, adopted a dog on my own, came out to family and friends as bisexual, and began dating my current girlfriend.
At some point last year, Rebecca reached out to me and asked if I wanted to have a call to discuss what was holding me back.
On that call, I realized that I would probably never feel ready enough to actually make the final call and decided to do it anyway! We booked the session for 2 months later.
I felt so nervous to totally expose myself. I spent so many years hiding who I truly am, hiding my sexuality, and trying to make myself seem perfect from the outside. The idea of literally and metaphorically stripping down all of that was incredibly daunting.
Rebecca was there every step of the way. She sent me journal prompts and mindful ways of fueling my body and mental health leading up to the shoot, nothing about a diet or rigorous exercise. She suggested I sleep properly, drink enough water, and set boundaries so I wouldn’t feel drained as The Big Day approached.
This felt so refreshing and obvious, and helped me feel acceptance and compassion towards myself and my body.
Something else that Rebecca helped me through was an idea for the shoot.
Since admitting to the world that I am bisexual and love women too, I felt my own internalized dread that I don’t “look the part.” I feared I presented as too feminine and people always seemed surprised when I mentioned my sexuality. I received a wide array of reactions when sharing my bisexuality. This included shock (“how can someone so girly be attracted to women?), disgust (“how do you two girls… do it?” nose wrinkle), and disbelief (“someday your husband is going to love that you had a bi-phase”). I felt I wanted to appear more masculine, just to relieve myself of some of these reactions.
I expressed this idea of bringing both feminine and masculine aspects to the shoot, and Rebecca asked me how I imagined what masculine energy would look like in the shoot.
The adjectives I thought of surprised me: confident, bold, daring, and self-assured. So why didn’t I believe feminine energy should also embody these traits?
This helped me see how I was judging myself both as a woman raised in our society AND as a queer woman.
When the morning of the shoot arrived, I felt so nervous and excited. Getting ready and dolled up with Rhonda made me feel so confident and ready.
Rebecca helped guide me into different poses (I was never one to feel comfortable in front of a camera or posing) until it felt totally natural!
I thought I would be excited to see the pictures and not necessarily enjoy the actual photoshoot. I was pleasantly surprised to realize the photo shoot was so enjoyable and fun!
I received the photos from Rebecca and probably stared at them, dumbfounded, for about two hours before I excitedly ran to share them with my girlfriend. I couldn’t imagine all the things I saw as applying to myself.
I saw a confident, comfortable, sensual, beautiful, and strong woman in the photos. It reminded me of how I felt when Rebecca sent me the prompts and suggestions before the shoot. These conclusions I drew upon myself were so refreshing and obvious.
It has been almost a year since my boudoir session, and I still feel the effects of the whole experience. I didn’t realize it would stick with me as much as it has! What started as self-acceptance and compassion bloomed into a strong belief that my body looks exactly as it should, and I love the way she looks! On my “down” days I love to look at my album and remember what a fun day I had and how strong I am.
I feel every woman should be able to experience this at least once in their life. Aside from just a fun day and beautiful photos, it has really improved how I view myself and has seriously helped my confidence!
Gabi, thank you for allowing me to go on this journey with you. From the very beginning, you were so open and willing to go outside of your comfort zone and use this experience for personal growth.
It was such an honor to witness you as you stepped fully into your power. No more hiding. No more staying small to please others. Just being completely real and content with where you are at and who you are.
It was incredible to see that unfold through this process.
These photographs are more than I even dreamed of creating with you, and I’m really happy that these tangible results feel aligned with your internal experience. You’re amazing! And SO beautiful.
xoxo Rebecca
