Activism is Sexy | Boudoir : Hallel

Before I met Hallel Abramowitz-Silverman, I knew her as the teenager that got arrested at the Western Wall with her mother for wearing a prayer shawl. Those images I saw 10 years ago have been forever etched in my mind.

While Hallel has done a lot of work with Women of the Wall, her activism doesn’t end there. If you find yourself scrolling through Instagram and come across her profile, justhallel, you’ll see an incredibly beautiful, passionate, and articulate woman who has so much to share with the world. I was taken aback by her confidence and unapologetic nature, and her motto, “It’s cool to care,” couldn’t have felt more true. 

When we started speaking, we connected on women’s issues and our love for Israel. My conversations always lead to sexuality and body image, and we began to discuss the double standards that women face, even in our modern day and age.

Hallel said, “I’ve always felt the outside pressure not to present myself as sexy. People tried to tell me that I shouldn’t feel comfortable with anything that shows cleavage, the shape of my body, or things like that. If I did do that, they told me that I wouldn’t be taken seriously.

When Rebecca reached out, I felt a huge sense of relief. Like what? What I’m feeling for so long is legitimate? I felt validated in the personal things I’ve been fighting for.” 

The last decade of my boudoir photography and coaching career has given me the opportunity to explore the ways in which women have been taught to hate their bodies and how we can learn to love ourselves and show up fully in the world. 

I’ve worked with thousands of women. I’ve heard so many stories. I’ve seen so many beautiful bodies. I’ve witnessed women finally being able to approach themselves with the compassion they deserve. I’ve also seen how the struggles of the patriarchy, misogyny, diet culture, and beauty standards are still very present in our everyday lives. 

Don’t tell me that there’s no patriarchy when men can get away with sexual harassment, and women are still being told to cover up so they don’t tempt them.

Don’t tell me that there’s no diet culture when at least one person dies from an eating disorder every hour, in the U.S. alone, and it’s only on the rise. 

Don’t tell me that beauty standards don’t affect us, and it’s only the insides that matter when it seems like all conversations just lead back to women’s bodies never being enough.

When Hallel and I spoke, we both were frustrated with the idea that we were constantly being told that we needed to choose the box that we would like to fit into.  

You can either be smart or sexy. An activist or sexy. Spiritual or sexy. Funny or sexy. Sexy just wasn’t available for those who wanted to be taken seriously. 

It’s not only frustrating. It’s oppressive to face serious consequences simply because we exist and are not willing to hide parts of ourselves. 

Hallel shared, “People always told me I should have two Instagram accounts, one for politics and my activism, and then a personal account. At the time, I couldn’t really explain why I didn’t do it, but now I realize why. It felt like a lie to split it. It would be as if I was two separate people. I would be compartmentalizing parts of myself to make it more acceptable for other people to digest. I am so happy I understand now why I felt that way, and my gut told me not to do it. I would tell myself, “Don’t do it Hallel! You are one.”

Why are we not encouraged to show up fully? Fuck that. I’m not interested.”

There are many people who feel that any type of expressed sexuality is playing into a stereotype that has objectified and mistreated women since the beginning of time. Not surprisingly, Hallel got backlash for posting these images. 

I just don’t agree. My work has always been and will always be about women reclaiming their bodies and their sexuality. It is a profound statement of taking back our autonomy and our rights. Get your opinions and your laws off my body, like for real. Whether I want to wear a burka or wear a bikini in the street, that is my choice.

Part of feminism is understanding that what is empowering for you might not be empowering for me, and celebrating the hell out of that.

Makeup and Hair by Jaquelyn Lawrence Beauty

Kodak Film // Processed and scanned by Panda Labs

Feeling It All | Boudoir : Leah

I remember the very first conversation I had with Leah. I thought she was beautiful and interesting, and based on the things she shared, I was definitely intrigued to know more about her. We spoke about her reasons for desiring a boudoir experience. We spoke about her feelings about being photographed in the past. We spoke about sexuality. We spoke about her journey toward becoming a rabbi, and how that played a role in all of this. By the end of her discovery call, she told me she had to think about it, and shortly after, decided it wasn’t the right time for her.

As much as I want every woman in the world to experience boudoir right now, I can also appreciate that we are all on our own journeys, and things really do happen when they are meant to. It’s all about Divine timing.

When she reached out to me again, it felt right. She was ready. Scared, of course, but ready to take the leap. This isn’t something I take lightly, and I could tell how powerful it was for her to decide to do this. The first step is always the hardest, and usually, the most significant.

What I love most about Leah and how she approached this experience was that she gave herself the permission to truly feel it all. Our growth happens when we lean into discomfort. In places of discomfort, we learn the most about ourselves. We face our darkest parts. We gain clarity about who we are and what we want in life. It gives us the opportunity to choose to meet ourselves with kindness and compassion.

I am so honored that Leah allowed me in on her beautiful journey.

I’m excited for all of you that she is allowing you in, too, by being part of and sharing this interview I had with her just a couple of weeks ago…

In Leah's words, “Before this boudoir experience, I felt good about my body overall. I’ve had a long journey already toward being with my body and loving my body for what it is and what it isn’t.

The main reason I decided to do a boudoir session was not so much to help me feel better about my body, but rather it was a chance for me to affirm that I was worth spending a lot of money on. It felt like a stretch for me to spend the money on myself. I’m currently a graduate student, and it felt strange investing in myself at that time. That’s why it felt like something that I really, really needed to do.

I was looking for something to boost my overall self-worth and do something that in some ways was just for the moment. At the same time, the pictures are lasting, and they are a testament to the experience of doing the session. For me, the pictures were very, very affirming in this way.”

“When I first spoke to Rebecca, I was, and still am, exploring my relationship with my own sexuality and having questions in a few different ways. One is the fact that I am studying to be a rabbi. It’s a huge part of my life and a huge part of the commitment that I’m making to the Jewish community and the world at large. 

I have been questioning the ways in which my sexuality is private, of course, but also how much it can or should be a part of my public life. My sexual identity informs the ways in which I move through the world as a sexual being, and that is an important part of my life as well. Becoming a rabbi is a road of empowerment for me, and in a similar way, this is a journey of claiming my sexuality, recognizing my desires, and healing from certain sexual experiences. All of that has been a part of my own empowerment. 

Choosing to do the boudoir session was a part of that as well. I realized, “Oh actually, I want this, and I don’t need a romantic partner to be the reason why I do it.” To come to a place where I decided I wanted to do this was empowering. It was really for me to embrace my own sexuality and celebrate and love my body.

I came to Rebecca at kind of a low moment in my life of feeling not as much self-worth and not a great sense of enoughness. When I reached out, it was near my birthday, and I saw it as a way back to feeling whole and enough as I am.

The boudoir experience was a piece of reclaiming myself.”

“During the process, Rebecca really invited me to be mindful at every moment. Being a yoga teacher, I embraced that. It felt like a special opportunity to have this experience with mindfulness. For example, I enjoyed receiving journal prompts beforehand and having conversations with her for me to reflect on. There were some challenging feelings that came up, and Rebecca was able to hear and hold it. It made me feel like, “Ok, this doesn’t need to be perfect. Nothing in life is perfect.”

Part of that feeling was the build-up and anticipation of trying to make this a specific experience, and in the end, accepting it for what it was. I’m really grateful for the fact that I got to reflect and be mindful as a part of this. It definitely wouldn’t have been the same to do this kind of experience with someone who was just like, “Ok, great. Come in. Let’s take some pictures.”

“One of the best parts of the experience was going lingerie shopping. Rebecca recommended going to Miss Masimore, a lingerie store in Tel Aviv, and I literally fell in love with everything that was there. It was really the most pleasant shopping experience which surprised me because I have had a lot of difficulty with clothing shopping in the past. It’s where I feel the most insecurities about my body because I feel like nothing fits me. I have thoughts like, “It’s my body’s fault. I’m not attractive. Like woe is me, the world doesn’t design clothing that fits my petite body type.”

The few times I had gone lingerie shopping in the past, every bra felt uncomfortable. Like why? Why can’t we make things that are sexy and comfortable?

I just hadn’t had a great experience with it until I went to Miss Masimore. It was so fun to be picking out lingerie, by myself, and for myself. Of course, I had the photoshoot in mind with the intention of bringing out different parts of myself in each part of the boudoir session. I normally would’ve brought my spouse with me to do that kind of shopping, but doing it alone was so empowering and really healing for me.”

“Little pieces of frustration with my body definitely came out in preparation for the shoot and some anxieties that I hadn’t expected. I doubted if I would actually look good in the lingerie I had chosen and had a lot of anxiety about my outfit selection. 

I felt this pressure that I was putting on myself, and I felt it even during the session. Yet going into a room and saying, “Here I am in my body. Take pictures of me. I trust you,” was significant. It was an experience of surrendering and trusting. Even at the time, I knew that it was going to be an important part of the experience for me.”

“When I received the pictures for the first time, I was really thrilled. Of course, there were some I didn’t like, but they weren’t the focus. I was able to see those and recognize that there were so many others that I loved. It was interesting that many of the pictures I loved were the ones that I remember feeling the most comfortable, mindful, and present in the moment. The ones that I didn’t like as much were experiments in shapes and space. It actually reminded me of the ways I do and don’t speak up and assume other people will know what I want. At the same time, I felt a lot of pride in the strength of my body and in its beauty. 

The entire experience was so positive overall. I see this as a very Jewish teaching. We are supposed to break glasses at weddings and reference Jerusalem’s brokenness even in the midst of joy. It tells us that we are allowed to experience multiple emotions at once. 

I think that’s also true in life. It’s just the human experience. To honor that in this experience, that it’s not positive at every single moment is important because nothing in life is like that. Practicing and zooming in on how we can live in multiple states and multiple realities at once is such a good lesson that I need over and over again.”

“My boudoir experience definitely has had a lasting impact. I did my session in December 2022, and in June, so six months later, I was asked to share a story about chesed (kindness) in my life. The story that I told was about having this experience. I shared that going lingerie shopping and doing boudoir was a way in which I started to return towards treating myself with loving kindness and believing in myself.

It helped me find my self-worth in a new way after having felt lost and like I didn’t recognize myself. The whole experience was powerful and continues to be powerful for me.”

“Working with Rebecca was lovely, and I felt like I could share honestly about why I was coming and who I am. It’s so wonderful to have experiences in which we can tell strangers our story and let ourselves be intimate with them.

I would definitely recommend this to other women. I think we’re all deserving of people who make us feel beautiful and whole. This is not the only way to love and celebrate our bodies, but it is definitely a fun way. I would encourage people to use it as a tool to propel them towards healing and wholeness within themselves.”

“I’ve really enjoyed looking at the pictures and sharing them with other people. I feel so proud of them and excited by them. I feel they are such a testament to what I’ve been through. They are a testament to my strengths and weaknesses, my courage, vulnerability, power, femininity, and all of the things that make me who I am, whether or not other people see that. 

When I look at myself in the pictures, I see the journey that I’ve been on, and that is so invaluable.”

Hair and Makeup by Rhonda Lev at Beauty by Rhonda

Kodak Film // Processed and Scanned by Panda Labs

In My Element | Bridal Boudoir : Davina

“Becca, we’re engaged!”

I hear my little sister’s voice on the other end of the phone. Tears well up in my eyes, as I think about how her life has led up to this moment. 

It felt like just yesterday that we were giving dance recitals in front of our fireplace and laughing so hard that we fell to the ground.

I still imagine Davina as a teenager, my partner in literal crime… (If you know, you know)

…navigating the world for the first time together.

I have so much love in my heart for the moments we’ve shared together over the years, and it’s been amazing to witness who she has become. Especially after overcoming lots of obstacles that we faced in our early years. 

I don’t think either of us would have ever imagined the paths that we chose in life or the places we’ve arrived in.  

Which makes it all really beautiful and obviously Divinely orchestrated…

In the words of Davina, “My story is complicated, chaotic, and very overwhelming to discuss at times. 

After growing up in an environment where I was violated and taken advantage of, I had these patterns that continued to show up over and over again. Those who were watching from the sidelines noticed the scary and dangerous trajectory I was headed down. 

At some point, I knew that I needed to make a change. I realized I didn’t know how to love myself. Fast forward to my late 20s, I stopped blaming everyone else around me and created change in my life. I finally found my purpose and someone in my life that not only fulfilled what I was looking for in a life partner but also someone that continues to make me a better person each and every day. I feel seen, I feel appreciated, and most importantly, I feel loved.

This boudoir session embodies exactly who I am and how comfortable I feel in my own skin today. I wanted to do this as a way to honor and celebrate how far I’ve come on my journey as well as gift my husband-to-be something meaningful and sexy…”

“Leading up to the shoot, I did experience some fear and anxiety mostly surrounding logistical things. There was also a voice in the back of my head that didn’t feel totally prepared because I had never done anything like this before.

But I trusted my sister when she said she would help guide me every step of the way, and that’s exactly what she did.”

“I felt so comfortable and safe having Rebecca photograph me. Whether she was my sister or was not related at all, I know that she makes the experience so personal. We spoke a lot beforehand, and she kept everything in mind to give me the best experience.”

“When it came to some of the more “risqué” moments, it honestly felt so natural and actually very liberating! You can see it in my facial expressions as you look through my pictures. I am glowing from head to toe and truly felt in my element. I walked away from my shoot feeling very empowered and proud of myself.”

“It wasn’t until I received the photos that I realized this may have been one of the first times in my life where I can say I really fell in love with myself and my body. There are no words to explain how I felt when I received these pictures back from my sister, but I do know that it changed me.”

“I have grown from this experience. My self-confidence and the way that I look at myself have really improved. I know what a badass I am now.

I have been put down for my physical appearance my whole life, and I finally figured out that those hurtful words probably never had anything to do with me.

It’s a special feeling when it all clicks, and you finally understand your worth.”

Kodak Film // Processed and Scanned by Panda Labs

Makeup and hair by Alex Simcosky Glaviano - AG Artistry Kansas City

Venue: Beehive Studios in Kansas City, Missouri

No More Hiding | Tel Aviv Boudoir : Gabi

I grew up in New York in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, when women's weight and bodies were constantly demonized. From gossip tabloids to the news to overhearing other girls and women speaking about their bodies, no one seemed pleased with their appearance.

The idea that my body should be something different than what it was became so internalized and was a part of what led to a painful eating disorder in my adolescence. I “recovered.” I regained weight, my period returned, and my skin brightened, but the true suffering continued in my own mind for years.

Through being in therapy and fully exploring myself through meditation, I am now able to observe my thoughts and feel compassion for myself, something I so desperately needed when I was younger.

When I moved to Israel and found Rebecca’s Instagram, I was blown away by the photos she was posting. There were different types of women with all different types of bodies, all being celebrated as they were. It was revolutionary!

Every single human she photographed looked so beautiful and so perfect. Each body looked exactly how it should…

When I first came across Rebecca’s work, I was in a long-term relationship and wanted to gift my boyfriend photos. However, my fear of not being sexy, fit, or tan enough kept me from following through.

Since then, that relationship ended, I completed a bachelor’s degree, became a registered nurse, adopted a dog on my own, came out to family and friends as bisexual, and began dating my current girlfriend.

At some point last year, Rebecca reached out to me and asked if I wanted to have a call to discuss what was holding me back.

On that call, I realized that I would probably never feel ready enough to actually make the final call and decided to do it anyway! We booked the session for 2 months later.

I felt so nervous to totally expose myself. I spent so many years hiding who I truly am, hiding my sexuality, and trying to make myself seem perfect from the outside. The idea of literally and metaphorically stripping down all of that was incredibly daunting.

Rebecca was there every step of the way. She sent me journal prompts and mindful ways of fueling my body and mental health leading up to the shoot, nothing about a diet or rigorous exercise. She suggested I sleep properly, drink enough water, and set boundaries so I wouldn’t feel drained as The Big Day approached.

This felt so refreshing and obvious, and helped me feel acceptance and compassion towards myself and my body.

Something else that Rebecca helped me through was an idea for the shoot.

Since admitting to the world that I am bisexual and love women too, I felt my own internalized dread that I don’t “look the part.” I feared I presented as too feminine and people always seemed surprised when I mentioned my sexuality. I received a wide array of reactions when sharing my bisexuality. This included shock (“how can someone so girly be attracted to women?), disgust (“how do you two girls… do it?” nose wrinkle), and disbelief (“someday your husband is going to love that you had a bi-phase”). I felt I wanted to appear more masculine, just to relieve myself of some of these reactions.

I expressed this idea of bringing both feminine and masculine aspects to the shoot, and Rebecca asked me how I imagined what masculine energy would look like in the shoot.

The adjectives I thought of surprised me: confident, bold, daring, and self-assured. So why didn’t I believe feminine energy should also embody these traits?

This helped me see how I was judging myself both as a woman raised in our society AND as a queer woman.

When the morning of the shoot arrived, I felt so nervous and excited. Getting ready and dolled up with Rhonda made me feel so confident and ready.

Rebecca helped guide me into different poses (I was never one to feel comfortable in front of a camera or posing) until it felt totally natural!

I thought I would be excited to see the pictures and not necessarily enjoy the actual photoshoot. I was pleasantly surprised to realize the photo shoot was so enjoyable and fun!

I received the photos from Rebecca and probably stared at them, dumbfounded, for about two hours before I excitedly ran to share them with my girlfriend. I couldn’t imagine all the things I saw as applying to myself.

I saw a confident, comfortable, sensual, beautiful, and strong woman in the photos. It reminded me of how I felt when Rebecca sent me the prompts and suggestions before the shoot. These conclusions I drew upon myself were so refreshing and obvious.

It has been almost a year since my boudoir session, and I still feel the effects of the whole experience. I didn’t realize it would stick with me as much as it has! What started as self-acceptance and compassion bloomed into a strong belief that my body looks exactly as it should, and I love the way she looks! On my “down” days I love to look at my album and remember what a fun day I had and how strong I am.

I feel every woman should be able to experience this at least once in their life. Aside from just a fun day and beautiful photos, it has really improved how I view myself and has seriously helped my confidence!

Gabi, thank you for allowing me to go on this journey with you. From the very beginning, you were so open and willing to go outside of your comfort zone and use this experience for personal growth.

It was such an honor to witness you as you stepped fully into your power. No more hiding. No more staying small to please others. Just being completely real and content with where you are at and who you are.

It was incredible to see that unfold through this process.

These photographs are more than I even dreamed of creating with you, and I’m really happy that these tangible results feel aligned with your internal experience. You’re amazing! And SO beautiful.

xoxo Rebecca