When Coaching Meets Boudoir : A Path of Healing

This amazing client of mine, stepped into my world 14 months ago , after taking my 3-day masterclass for body positivity. She wrote to me, “I’ve been on the body positivity train for years now. I know all the theory. In my circle of friends, I’m basically you. Introducing them to body positivity resources, explaining how women have been brainwashed for years, and telling them to smash the patriarchy every day! But then, when it comes to me, to my own body, I can’t do it. I can’t apply body positivity to myself…

I see the pictures on your Instagram, and I think, well of course they’re stunning. These are gorgeous women. I would not look like that.”

That one message began our incredible coaching relationship and her transformative year. She began with my body image mentorship program, and she didn’t even consider doing a boudoir session until 7 months later.

Here is a little glimpse into her journey…

“All my life I’ve spent so much energy to be sexy and beautiful because even though I grew up in a pretty feminist and not diet-obsessed household, I still got the message from the world around me that’s what women should be. Body positivity was a concept close to me, it felt right, and I was trying to “love myself” the way I was. But at the same time I was straightening my bouncy curls till they burned, I never left the house without make up, I always thought I was “fat”, even though looking back at old pictures I see how actually “skinny” I used to be.

I’ve always relied on men to validate how beautiful I was. The goal was always to appeal to the male gaze, oh gosh my skin crawls just writing this, that’s where I used to get my fleeting confidence from. 

Post partum completely destroyed my already weak body image. I found myself in a body that was not my gorgeous earth goddess pregnant self, but not my younger “short skirts party outfit” self either.  I felt like a used, empty plastic bag. I lost touch with my femininity, and I didn’t recognize myself anymore…”

“After I took Rebecca’s 3-day class, I became curious. I knew I needed help with my body image but didn’t know exactly what or how I could have gotten that. Most traditional therapists don’t take it into account unless there’s some serious eating disorder involved, and I felt silly bringing up the fact that part of my mental health issues was that I didn’t like the way I looked.

For the same reason it felt silly in the beginning to invest in such a “vain” kind of coaching, but I didn’t know what else to do. and Rebecca seemed to speak my language, so I just went for it!”

“It felt immediately good to talk with Rebecca, from our first session I left with good energy and the feeling that someone understood me. Every session after was like that, too. It was like talking to a compassionate and non-judgmental friend.

Then I noticed a shift in the way I perceived my body. I remember catching a glimpse in the mirror after a shower (I used to get dressed as fast as I could so there was no chance I had to look at myself naked!) and thinking that my body looked very soft and feminine. I felt compassion towards it, not hate or frustration.

Towards the end of the coaching program, I had to check my weight for a medical check up. Stepping on the scale made me feel nervous because last time I did it, I didn’t take the number I saw very well. Now that number didn’t make me feel anything. It was just a number popping up on an electronic scale. It wasn’t me.”

“The boudoir session wasn’t planned. Rebecca almost never mentioned it. I went into the coaching with no intention whatsoever of doing a boudoir shoot. “That’s just for beautiful women who want to celebrate themselves or make a gift for their partners,” I thought. I was not beautiful, nor in the mood to give a gift to my husband. 

Then suddenly, towards the end of the coaching process, the idea came to me. I saw the boudoir photoshoot as a tool to see myself from the outside, through the lens of Rebecca, who knows how to show your unique beauty. I felt ready. 

My boudoir experience definitely took the coaching process to a higher level. It was the unintended, fun culmination of a journey. It was proof that what I was now feeling inside: accepting, judgement free, sexy, powerful, was showing on the outside. I finally saw it too.

Before the session, I was afraid I would only see my “flaws,” but it wasn’t like that. I could see a beautiful sexy goddess who knows her power and can handle anything.”

"I know now that liking what I see in the mirror and taking care of my body is not superficial or vain, and I have the ability to accept with compassion the moments when I compare myself to other women or when I feel frustrated because my belly jiggles more than I’d like to.

It’s not that I magically think I am beautiful now and my insecurities disappeared. I still see my “flaws,” but they don’t bother me. I accept them as a part of me. I feel more neutral about them, and that makes me feel more beautiful and confident overall. I feel the same towards other women too. I don’t judge them anymore, I see their beauty regardless of their size or eye color or whatever other detail I would have been jealous or petty about years ago.  I know now that everyone has internal struggles about their appearance, even when they look model-like, and that makes me a more compassionate human being. 

I can see beauty all around me because I don’t focus so much on my own insecurities anymore.

I definitely have more energy and mental space to invest in my work, family and social life because I’m not constantly worried about how I look, and I’ve been seeing a clear improvement in all of those areas. My husband told me “I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but I can see it’s good.”

“Through this experience, I have learned to look at my body in a more neutral way, it’s not “good” or “bad”, or “sexy” or “ugly,” it just is. My worth as a woman is not tied to a shape or a number, and that gave me the chance to love it, appreciate it, and take care of it.

I would absolutely recommend this to other women. I think it will free them and make them beautiful people, on the outside and on the inside.”

Hair and Makeup by Rhonda Lev

More Than Just a Photoshoot | Jaffa-Tel Aviv Boudoir : Lee’at

On a sunlit, late summer morning in Yafo, I had the honor of photographing this breathtakingly beautiful woman.

Her boudoir session felt light and easy. One set just flowed into another.

I had photographed Lee’at once before, several years ago. This felt different.

There was a presence, a depth, and an unspoken language between us.

Just like every woman I photograph, Lee’at has her own unique story. Her own journey towards body acceptance and self-love.

When her keepsake album arrived at her doorstep, she left me this voice note…

“I don’t even know where to start. Looking at the photos again was like looking at them for the first time. I realized that I needed to look at them on my own because it was about me. The whole thing has been about me.

I’m going to cry.

I saw me and everything I wanted to document of myself. It’s a reflection of what has been and what has passed.

I was able to see me.

When I looked at those pictures, I saw a vulnerability and a strength. The strength wasn’t so much the physical strength. It’s the strength that I’ve needed out of necessity and out of sadness.

They’re beautiful, soft, strong, vulnerable, mature, and sexy, but not provocative. Anyway, I’m crying as I’m walking to the gym. I love you, and I thank you for giving me that. It was so much more than just a photoshoot, and it means the world.”

Keep reading to get a glimpse into her story…

“I wanted to share a little background about this shoot. Because it didn't happen from a good place. In fact, it's a result of my sadness and part of my journey out from underneath the shadows.

I've been working out consistently for about the past 4 years.

When corona happened, my personal and business life crashed around me.

Working out became more than just about keeping healthy. It was my escape. My therapy.

For one hour a day, all my worries vanished. My mind, instead of being weighed down by worry, was occupied with picking up the heavyweight at my feet.

Gradually the purpose of the my workouts changed.

Instead about being about my physical health and weight, it became about my mental health and literally getting stronger to lift big. It was the activity itself that I craved to succeed in, not the result.

As a result, my physique changed. A lot.

My appearance now gets stares in the streets.

I have been asked by complete strangers in the street if they can touch my arms. Friends and family ask dubiously whether I like the way I look and when am I going to stop.

Even my husband's friends ask him if he still finds me attractive.

It's made me question myself. My appearance. Am I too bulky? Too masculine? Unattractive? Do I have to stop doing what I love?

The answer is hell no.

I need this. I want this. I love what I do too much to even consider stopping. I need my escape in the mornings. I need somewhere where all my burdens and troubles don't follow me. The gym became my safe place. I'm not giving it up.

What everyone else thinks is not of my concern. I need to love and accept my new body. Most of the time I do. Other people's preconceptions about strong women need not bother me. This is something I have to learn to deal with.

This is where Rebecca came in…

We had already one boudoir session a long while ago when I just got back into training.

This time around, I told her everything. I told her how I wanted to feel. That as a strong woman, I can still be an attractive, sexy, sensual woman too. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Rebecca heard me and understood me.

And as if everything was intended, we were able to set up a session within days.

Which I think made this so right. The intention and the moment were there. I felt I needed to act on something immediately, and we were able to.

Rebecca SAW me. She saw me as strong, but vulnerable. Strong and feminine. Strong and sexy.

I think Rebecca captured everything and more here.

For that I am grateful. And proud.”

Makeup by Mel Atias Bueno

Letting Go of the Voices that Were Never Mine | Boudoir : Maya

“Like most people, my relationship with my body is complicated. I live with chronic pain because of multiple diagnosed and undiagnosed illnesses. This past year I received a new diagnosis which, on the one hand, gave me a lot of clarity and answers to questions I’ve had for years. On the other hand, has changed my day-to-day life. I now wear a medical corset, a knee brace, and have accessibility aids around my house. Though I’ve been in pain my whole life, this new diagnosis has put me in an emotional battle with how I view my body. I was feeling that this was just another way in which my body has betrayed me.

After a few months of navigating this new reality, I decided to book this boudoir shoot with Rebecca. I had this vision for what I wanted this to look like. I didn’t want only the classic beautiful pictures. I wanted it to feature my corset and brace, and for the shoot to take place in my house…”

“My aim was for this shoot to be authentic to where I am right now, and that includes my fabulous support aids. They are part of who I am and it’s important for me that they are celebrated. They can be more than a symbol of betrayal, they can be an extension of me, but I needed to see that.

I wanted to see and experience my body in a nuanced and multifaceted way. Strong, sexual, beautiful, delicate, loved, supported.”

“I wasn’t too nervous leading up to the day of. It was all planned out, and I knew Rebecca would be supportive, excited, and not phased by whatever I brought to the session.

The photoshoot itself felt so fun and free! The makeup artist, Rhonda Lev, was an absolute pro. I loved her artistry. The time she spent doing my makeup, while the three of us were just casually chatting, really did help calm the jitters before the shoot.

It honestly felt so special to be the center of attention, to be complimented so much, and just to let my body be in that moment. It’s obvious how much Rebecca loves her work. She was in great spirits, and I had so much fun being photographed by her.

She made me feel so comfortable and beautiful throughout the whole experience.”

“When I received my gallery of images, I was so happy and in love with what I was seeing!

But then was hit with something unexpected…”

“Out of the many gorgeous pictures that I received; I saw two (only two out of over a hundred) that triggered this vile voice in my head that I didn’t recognize. It came out to say that I was huge, ugly, and fat. I was shocked. This brief moment stunned me.

I didn’t recognize the voice – what was that? I don’t use that type of language with myself, and obviously “fat” is just a description, not an insult. So why was this voice coming up? Why was it talking so negatively to my body?

I sat with the pictures open and started to journal these thoughts. Giving them space, not judging but trying to understand where they were coming from. At this moment I started to realize the depth in which diet culture and hyper-sexualization of young girls’ seep.

These voices were not mine, but rather the voices of my childhood.”

“Growing up I was told, “it’s a shame, you’d be so pretty if you weren’t fat.”

At young ages, think even before the age of 14, I was coerced to diet out of this notion that “I could be a model if I weren’t fat.” At the dinner table, I would be told that I should stop eating so much, at times pieces of bread would be taken out of my hands.

Before my Bat Mitzvah, I was taken to wax the blonde hair off my arms, legs, eyebrows, and mustache.

As the tall and curvy girl, I was told that I was being inappropriate or dressing in a sexualized manner, just because the clothes didn’t fit properly on my growing body. Or because my legs were longer and, therefore, more visible. Or my breasts were larger and, therefore, more protruding. For years I wore only baggy jackets over baggy shirts and skirts, in order to try to minimize those comments.

Looking at my family then, and still until today, the diet culture is deeply rooted. Sitting for any meal is consequently met with the inevitable conversation of “the diet starts tomorrow,” “I need a juice cleanse after this,” etc. Conversations that are inherently ablest, may I add. But I digress.

Reflecting on all of this made me realize that those voices, the ones I heard looking at those two pictures, were never mine. These photographs are a rebellion against Every. Single. Thing. I have ever been told, and those voices were the “reaction.”

This realization gave me a sense of release. As if I took a deep breath of fresh air for the first time in a long time.”

“I am leaving this session with a newfound sense of awe. I am in awe of my body’s resilience. My body lives with chronic pain, survived random illnesses and injuries, overcame endless obstacles, and is living through a pandemic. My body provides me with wonders, and I am so grateful.”

“I would recommend this to the women who are feeling drained in their day-to-day lives.

Women who recognize that they might need an external push to take care of their physical and mental state.

This boudoir session gave me that external push to take care of myself, even though work is hard, and things are stressful.

This experience brought to the forefront of my mind how important it is to invest in myself, to take that time to appreciate everything that brought me to this moment in my life.”

Kodak Film // Processed and scanned by Panda Labs

Hair and Makeup by Rhonda Lev

When Women Rise Together | Dressed by Danielle : Tel Aviv Boudoir

I first came across Danielle Williams, founder of Dressed by Danielle, while I was scrolling through Instagram one day. A woman, in Israel, running her own business, empowering women, and promoting body positivity?!

It gave me so much joy to see her posts about embracing her own body and how she was helping other women do the same through her gorgeous pre-loved clothing. I immediately reached out and made an appointment for my 10-year-old daughter and I to have a personal shopping session with her. Hitting her pre-teen years, my daughter has surpassed my own height and shoe size, and I wanted to give her an empowering experience where she could find clothing that she loved. The fact that Danielle offered a body-positive environment made all the difference, and over a year later, my daughter still talks about how incredible that day was.

As Danielle and I got chatting, we realized how aligned our values were. We realized that although I am a boudoir photographer and she is a personal stylist, what we do for women is actually very similar. We are both blessed to be able to witness women when they are their most vulnerable and authentic selves and help them actualize the power that is already inside of them. Her with clothing. Me with photography.

And part of that vulnerability is women coming face to face with their bodies exactly the way they are.

We spoke about how we are on our personal body love journeys alongside our clients and that our businesses really helped us grow into the women we are today. That our clients constantly inspire us, and that self-love is an ever-evolving journey. You don’t just wake up one day and love everything about yourself, it’s something that you have to compassionately work on.

And so the idea for a creative collaboration was born in hopes of creating another safe space for personal and collective healing.

Danielle posted after the session, “As we were shooting, I asked Rebecca to get some close-ups of my tummy rolls and stretch marks. If you had told 2020 Danielle that 2021 Danielle did such a thing, she would be shocked. I’ve spent many years of my life hating my body and even editing my photos to hide all the things I considered to be imperfections. But I’ve come to realize this year that you can’t hate yourself into a version of yourself that you love.”

This image inspired us to collaborate further with artist and calligrapher, Malka Klein, who brought these words to life…

Danielle wrote this beautiful letter to her body to go along with the image above,

”Dear Body,

I love you. ⁣

I love your stretch marks because they remind me of the time when we shed a massive amount of physical and emotional weight. ⁣

I love your cellulite because it reminds me how voluptuous and sexy we are.

I love your hairy skin because it reminds me how we’ve begun to embrace all that we are, as we are.

I love your flabby stomach because it reminds me that someday we will literally create humans inside of us, and that’s freaking magical.

I love everything about you, because you are me. You are the one and only vessel through which I will get to exist and experience life, and for that, I will always be grateful to you.
⁣
I am sorry for all the negative things I have said about you.⁣
⁣
I love you. ⁣”

Being part of this collaboration and witnessing Danielle in her power, just like we do for our own clients, was an incredible honor.

Special thanks to Rhonda Lev for the beautiful hair and makeup, and my husband and business partner, Yehoshua, for making sure all the working parts of this project came together as they did.

In collaboration with Dressed by Danielle

Hair and Makeup by Beauty by Rhonda

Calligraphy by Malka Klein

Kodak Film // Processed and scanned by Panda Labs